An open declaration of fear and despair

Just in case Wendy invites me to her party. Why I am not going. Even though I have plans, why I couldn’t . I shouldn’t .

Even though a lot of my friends will be there. Ones who would support me and take care off me. Why I wouldn’t go.

Because I don’t want to see her happy. Because I don’t want to think about her moving on. Because I haven’t moved on myself. I won’t. I can’t yet. It’s only been 7 weeks. After 18 months, 7 weeks is not a long time.

Because I need to look after myself. Because I’m very fragile at the moment. I have a hard enough time with just thoughts of her in my head. I don’t think visual images or actually being near her would help. At all. It would only make things worse.

I still miss her. I wish we could talk. I wish things were better. But they’re not. And I need to get over her and move on, to feel better. And that will come. But only if I don’t have to think about her. And going to her birthday party would not be the way to do that.

(update)
Bahh. The so-and-so didn't invite me anyway. What did I expect? To be treated like a friend?

Ice on my seat

There was ice on my bike seat tonight. At the tender time of 10pm. Crazy.

Looks to be more fun just around the corner. Met Gabrielle at Wig and Pen on Friday, and was inundated with unexpected company in the form of Royd, Masa, Glen and Obelia. A long day with John Manton doing free stuff, followed by poker with Gab and Ryan on Saturday.

Sunday I watched the Pirates of the Crapibbean. T'was almost excruciating, I could hardly care about it. Monday was a bummer of a day until I got out of the house and looks around. Nice city. Too cold though.

I am going spare on all this new music lying around me which I've sudden woken up to. Have had Chinese Translation by M.Ward flowing through my head all day.

Re-cap

I'm gonna try recap what I've been up to over the weekend. I guess it involved some drinks Friday night at uni pub and a very early night. Saturday was good fun kicking around the house, some really exciting maths discussions with John Manton, and a house interview with Steph.

Then the eagerly anticipated drinks on Sat night again putting me to sleep early. Sunday was recovery mode with Mas over for more soup. That guy must be getting sick of it by now...

Discoveries

Have discovered three amazing things this morning...

1.) A religious man with music in his heart and a lot of travel on his schedule. Found his work going through some CDs... damn, DAMN it's nice. It also explains that T-shirt that's been going around "Feeling the Illinoise"...

2.) Bitching about departmental policy in the tea room when the head of the department walks in can be embarrassing. Continuing when he leaves, only to discover later that he had been standing in the hallway, can be worse.

3.) Life without flatmates sucks. I have no reason to get dressed in the morning. Except when I go outside to get the newspaper. Won't be making that mistake twice....

Weekend concluded

Had further fine dine experiences over the weekend.

Was woken Saturday morn by an officemate who happened to want to talk about work. Well, it was around 11, so it's not an unreasonable request. Found myself discussing quantum field theory before I'd even had my first cup of morning coffee. How exciting.

Then chuffed off to Lambert's vineyard to celebrate Jen Pinkerton's 30th (happy birthday girl!). Always a pleasure to sink a fine wine while watching the sun set over another great Australian landscape.

And Sunday, well, I tidied up slowly around the house and cooked soup for a good friend for dinner. During the meal in bursts another mate (the one from Friday night) with a fresh, warm, home-cooked apple crumble. How delish! Even came with crockery I can keep (granted, it was to replace broken stuff from the Friday before, but hey, there must be something Greek in me with regards to cooking a good meal and breaking plates...)

FINE dining...

A great eve dining with crazy young folk of the Canberra origin. So spoilt! ;)

Beers

Ah, beers with an old friend.

Hang on, an old friend? How old? How long have I known them? Have I known them long enough to call them that? How long is long enough? A year? Two? What if we've only really gotten to know each other in the last 6 months? Can I call them old if they're not really that old? Well, not as old as me?

I'll stick with my first statement, because I think it succinctly distills the essence of my sentiment down to a few words....

Beers with an old friend. Ahh, so good. Then tea at home afterwards. Great day. With lots of physic-y fun.

Back

Am back from another conference: this time in Caloundra. It was my old childhood stomping grounds when I was ...oh, let's say 5-10 years old.















Drove past the old place, the old tree is still out there in the back yard.














Also came back sans wallet. And sans phone. I am without contact. So, e-mail me. Leave me a message. Don't let me curl up doin' a foetal in ma bedroom....

Catch phrases...

I just want somewhere to store some quote I've seen over the years....
"Hot piss!" - as an exclamation of excitement
"Now the worm is on the other foot.."

Both of them beautiful gems from Weebl and Bob. Ahh, those favourite eggs of mine, with donkey and pirate and co. I salute you, fictional characters!

How smart...?

I no longer want to be known as "smart", I just want to be known as "stupid-impaired".

Lost it.

I lost my blog there for a second. Bugger. Need to try and keep track of it. Perhaps if I just link it up with Glen's...

Just had an amazing dinner with Trudy, Tjalka and Mathys; Masahiro, Fiona and Royd popped in to enjoy some delicious lamb with baked goodies. I think I made that oh-so-common mistake of worrying more about the food than enjoying my guests. Ah well. Will see them in June when Des comes here.

First go

So, this is the first attempt at blogging. Here anyway. Finally, it's offical.